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teardrop on the fire

fearless on my breath

Stumbling A Little
19 September
Whether you multiply in blessing
Or divide with your curse
We are adding up to the final sum.
& they say there's only one difference
Between heaven & Earth & it's that on earth
there is Work
to be done.

-Bernard Dolan


I exist in several worlds- I exist in math, I exist in fencing, I exist in fandom, I exist in Foodieness. This blog is for my personal life, for my college life, and sometimes for fandom. I have a fencing blog, I (very very shortly) will have a foodblog. In order for me to friend you here, there will either be a very good reason or I will know you well. How well I need to know you depends on where I know you from. It's a complicated system, and don't feel offended if you don't get friended.

i am dreadfully empathic. i know people by their actions; not their words. i have no visual memory. i don't watch enough movies. i have more friends than i care to admit. my strength is often bravado, until it really matters. i do not want others to see my weaknesses. i think that things can be reduced to numbers and formulas. i feel that there is a greater consciousness. i am both drawn to and repulsed by theatre. i take both victories and defeats more personally than i let others know. i am artistic, in a methodical kind of way. i revel in schedule. i am lost without organization. i could have gotten better grades in high school. i do not believe that each person is destined for one specific person; i believe that each person has a list of reoccurring characters that they will meet in more than one life. i am a greg who wishes i could be a dharma. i wear comfortable clothes. this poem is not about my ass. i clean up well. i am getting better at being myself. i bite. i have few regrets. there are certain days i would rather die than relive. i see myself through song lyrics. to understand me requires a strong sense of metaphor. i am not new nor unique; i have existed a myriad of times in a myriad of times, places, universes. my trust is hard to win. i hold grudges. i am judicious in my use of power. i am wrathful, not angry. i forgive too often and demand too little. i hold no one to the same standards i hold myself to. i believe in the cause, but i am not an activist at heart. i feel that defining one by one's sexual preference is limiting. i am fierce; fiercely competitive, fiercely passionate, fiercely loyal, and fiercely beautiful. i do not live down to your standards. the things i love the most are things that i am not good at. sometimes i am thought to lack morals entirely simply because i am a moral relativist. i am one clever fucking molecule. i'm not your bitch, bitch. i love everything about you that hurts.

movie/tv quotes

Paul Denton: Sometimes I'm amazed at the shit the spills out of my mouth.

"I'm an alcoholic, I don't have one drink. I don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table. I don't understand people who say they've had enough. How can you have enough of feeling like this? How can you not want to feel like this longer? My brain works differently." -leo

The Operative: Serenity... you lost everything in that battle. Everything you had, everything you were. How did you go on?
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: If you're still standing there when that engine starts, you never will figure it out.

River Tam: No power in the 'verse can stop me.

River Tam: Also, I can kill you with my brain.

random quotes

"In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them." {John Von Neumann}

"Some of you may have had occasion to run into mathematicians and to wonder therefore: How they got that way" {Tom Lehrer}

"I have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat." {Rebecca West}

mogunus: you know, if i was to give you a taste, i'd probably say semisweet chocolate.
mogunus: with cherry cream filling.

"you have to be a writer... you love making people squirm too much to be anything else" -bernard

I’ve got to marry somebody Versh told me about a man mutilated himself. He went into the woods and did it with a razor, sitting in a ditch. A broken razor, flinging them backward over his shoulder the same motion complete the jerked skein of blood backward not looping. But that’s not it. It’s not not having them. It’s never to have had them then I could say O That That’s Chinese I dont know Chinese. And Father said it’s because you are a virgin: dont you see? Women are never virgins. Purity is a negative state and therefore contrary to nature. It’s nature is hurting you not Caddy and I said That’s just words and he said So is virginity and I said you dont know. You cant know and he said Yes. On the instant when we come to realize that tragedy is second-hand.” {faulkner- the sound and the fury}

"I'm sort of a big dork, maybe nobody told you." {tycho, from penny arcade}

i'm in slytherin!

be sorted @ nimbo.net

song lyrics

"I look back on where I'm from/ look at the woman I've become/ and the strangest things/ seem suddenly routine " {hedwig and the angry inch- wig in a box}

"I'm not emotionless, in fact I broke my wrist/ when I wrote the list of all those I miss/ This is my poker face, Mister Feel Nothing" {sage francis- hopeless}

"Maybe I got a lot to learn/ Time can slip away/ Sometimes you got to lose it all/ Before you find your way/ Take a chance, play your part/ Make romance, it might brake your heart/ But if you think that time will change your ways/ Don't wait to long." {madeleine peyroux- don't wait too long}

"who knows what happens after here,/ Let's take each other's hands,/ As we jump into the final frontier,/ I'm mad about you" {anita baker- final frontier}

12 string guitars, a perfect circle, aaron sorkin, amélie, appropriate technology, arcadia, attention deficit disorder, autism, avonlea, badly drawn boy, barack obama, barenaked ladies, ben folds, boston, bubble tea, buffy the vampire slayer, cambridge, christmas lights, computers, cooking, cross stitch, cruel intensions, damien rice, dark chocolate, dead poets society, dishwalla, diva cups, doctor horrible, draco malfoy, east side pockets, elliott smith, epee, eve 6, feminism, fencing, firefly, food, food blogs, game theory, geeks, gin blossoms, goo goo dolls, good will hunting, gourmet, graphic novels, guster, harry potter, hating diffeq without reason, hedwig&the angry inch, hell's belles, house md, human rights campaign, imogen heap, jackalope fish, jane austen, jason robert brown, jon stewart, joss whedon, julia child, kayaking, knitting, lactose intolerance, latex, libraries, m*a*s*h, magic the gathering, mansfield park, math, mathematica, mathematical knitting, mists of avalon, national public radio, neil gaiman, northampton, one laptop per child, oscar wilde, penny-arcade, petsi pies, pioneer valley, pride & prejudice, prince edward island, princess mononoke, prise de fer, production design, proof, providence, queer as folk, questionable content, rao's, ray's hell burger, redbones, regina spektor, rent, rise camp, river tam, rock climbing, rpgs, sage francis, saved!, serenity, set design, sexual assault survivors, smith college, smith fencing, snow patrol, soy dream, soy latte, special effects hair dye, star wars, tamora pierce, tealuxe, tex, thai food, the bbc, the campfire orchestra, the daily show, the matrix, the princess bride, the sandman, the west wing, theatre, tom stoppard, top chef, topology, tori amos, tribal fusion, triphop, ultimate frisbee, vitamin water, washington dc, weyl groups, xkcd, xos,